Of all the jobs I’ve held, being a mom has certainly been the most challenging yet the most rewarding. I am proud to say I have survived raising three teenagers who were teenagers at the same time. As of this writing, they are all college graduates and married. It did not come over night and it did not come without work, grit, tears, and determination.
I understand personally and professionally what it means to work with students who have differences and how this impacts academic achievement, social performance and most importantly, a personal sense of self. Like so many parents and other family members (let’s not forget the siblings, grandmoms and grandpops, aunts and uncles), I too struggled with issues related to understanding and living with a child with learning differences and other related emotional and social issues often associated with these differences.
The word “disability – difference”, whether connected with learning, emotional, social, or interpersonal issues tends to be negative. We often assume that our job, as parents and educators is tofix our children. We are convinced if they simply did what the rest of us do, they would be fine. If they just tried harder, or studied longer, or slept less, or slept more, or took school more seriously, or listened to their parents and teachers, or acted more like their older brother, or behaved more like their younger sister, then they would be just fine.
Different.
The word itself is filled with judgment. When we continue to think and talk and embrace the idea that an identified learning difference -and I include attentional control and executive functioning within this arena- is embarrassing, bad, wrong, or unacceptable, we cause others to be disenfranchised.
I believe there is an unmet need in the learning difference community for parents to come together and begin to accept and understand they are not alone. We have few places to openly discuss and receive support from others who also experience parenting children identified with learning, social, emotional, and academic needs. In order to talk about and share information with each other, we need to have a common language -and a formidable, foundational belief that our children are not defective.
Without a perfect language, let’s agree we will use the term learning differences in order to communicate and have a common understanding. Also, let’s agree that whenever and wherever possible we will begin to help children and ourselves to think about differences through a kinder, alternate lens.
Every child with a diagnosed learning difference, also has many strengths and talents. In educational settings we try to use these strengths to help children compensate for their academic learning needs. This is a helpful, and in fact, a necessary mindset for us to have as we teach academic learning and coping strategies to those with learning differences. It has been my experience that students identified with learning differences often do not know -or believe- they have hidden abilities that actually exist within themselves. They are not aware of their hidden abilities because we have been focused on locating, identifying, and eliminating their difference.
Every person needs and deserves a Sense of Self. They need to know who they are, what they like, and what they want (self-awareness); how to get from point A to point B, and how to make good choices and positive decisions (self-regulation); how to survive tough times and develop resiliency (self-determination); and, how to make and take a stand for themselves (self-esteem). This is especially important in today’s fast-paced environments where children are expected to process information at rapid rates and perform at high academic levels. A Sense of Self is what helps us navigate successfully through the day and gives us the ability to look forward to tomorrow.
We have important intellectual responses that come from our brains. Thinking and learning is certainly a keystone of schooling for our children. But recognizing, validating and understanding our feelings should also be a part of what we learn throughout our childhood. These are the emotional attributes and responses, which come from our heart. Children must be in touch with their heart as well as their brain. As importantly we have moral responsibilities and responses, which come from our beliefs and our soul. Children must know right from wrong and ways they can contribute to their world in a positive way. We have in our hands and feet the social responses of doing. We want our children to do for themselves and for others. We want to build a level of confidence and self-understanding that leads to independence. This holistic approach to skill development is the mission and practice of HESS.
FYI:
The Self (Jung’s Definition
The Importance of a Strong Sense of Self and How To Gain it
How To Love Yourself in a World that Capitalizes off Your Self-Hate
